HOOKED
ON COCALAND
book two:
Santisima Cruz Divina:
paradise found and lost
(concl.)
1/7/99 - priest and leftist rebel read the Bible
during the start of peace talks in San Vicente del Caguán
between Colombian government and FARC guerrilla rebels
(photo
and this explanation: New
York Times - 1/8/99)
54. PIGLETS AND BIBLE READERS.
WHAT?
7 AM. here's how the week
begins in Santisima Cruz.
in my hammock,
i’m awakened by a piglet shrieking furiously in the camino a few feet
from my head. fifteen
unbearable minutes without letup, just an aerated brick wall
between it and me. then
finally a man's voice, as if mad at the animal. no other sounds. no local hero rushes in, as
he should, to scold the man for tormenting a helpless
piglet. animals are
supposed to suffer in paradise, apparently. everyone accepts it but me.
finally torture
stops. several
neighbors talk at once outside, six feet from my hanging bed.
what in the
world are they doing?
they’re messing
with paradise.
i can't go out.
the sala is dark. the house is closed. finally the front door
creaks open and Yazmín's voice is heard. the shrieking resumes. i get up, pull on dirty
shorts and yesterday's t-shirt and hurry out on the narrow
porch.
a sow nurses piglets on the main thoroughfare (camino)
by the tree-lined canal in Robbie’s mother’s barrio (neighborhood)
called “Los Almendros” (“The Almond Trees”) in Santisima Cruz
(while a
small child pulls one piglet’s tail)
two men kneel
in front of the neighbor house to the right, holding a
struggling, screaming ten-inch piglet on the ground while one
cuts a hole in its nose with a paring knife and inserts a
wire. the protest is
nerve-gratingly ferocious, and pathetic, unlike anything heard
in most neighborhoods in the
out in the back
‘patio’, which is the back yard, beyond the patio’s outdoor
‘kitchen’ area, the outdoor baño sits
unoccupied. it's my
chance to empty a bladder overfull from the night. grabbing the chance, i run
inside for towel and toothbrush and return to the baño to wash
and shower. Angel's
in there now, they say.
i return to the
narrow concrete front porch to write, waiting for the baño.
the camino is calm. pig sadists are gone. paradise is perfect once
more, at least for now.
the peppy old
white-haired man who several days ago got his hair cut next
door, to the left, is sitting on one of the ubiquitous costeño
straight back chairs they cover in raw cowhide, seat and back.
in river country men sit
leaning back on two legs against tree or wall, hoping for a
less straight-backed experience. women sit in them too, but
rarely lean back.
the peppy old
man, his chair leaning back, reads to a man from the
generation below, in prophetic tones. the earth is cursed, he
says.
i tend to
agree, after what i’ve just seen.
it's the same
fat book as three days ago, when i first sat down here and
noticed him.
Yazmín
appears and dumps seven sticks in the canal. she confirms it's the Bible
he's reading aloud.
he reads as i
write, aloud at times while the middle-aged man sitting on the
concrete canal wall comments. they
talk. the old one
laughs, probably at the irredeemable nature of life on earth,
maybe even here in paradise.
Omar rides up
in a saddle, dismounts, ties his horse to the almond tree and
enters the door.
the old man
goes on, shouting "Aleluia,
aleluia, gloria a Dios,"[1]
then returns to his spot on the page, in a tone as if the
world were ending.
he can only be
reading one thing, sammy, the last book of the Bible, Revelation.[2]
every day for
two thousand years, somewhere in the Christian ecumene, some
would-be saint has expected the end of the world any moment,
any day now, all because two thousand years ago a man named
John who may have been Jesus’ disciple (and who they decided
later must have been a ‘saint’), had an apocalyptic vision
called the ‘Book of Revelation’. every single day for two
thousand years, until today, these predictors of doomsday have
been wrong; a statistic which argues that they'll probably be
wrong every single day into the indefinite future.
which means, i
might be wrong, i suppose, predicting the end of the civilized
world as we know it.
little boys in
blue school-uniform shirts walk down-canal to the right,
hand-woven book bags on long shoulder cords bouncing
colorfully. a large
family of fifteen to twenty bottles floats by on the canal in
disorganized array.
the Bible
reader is back at it. his
one-man congregation jumps into the flowing water. he comments, splashing
about, avoiding the family of bottles, agreeing with the old
man's jovial insights into “Revelation.”
for some reason
they think it's funny the world's ending, sammy.
Robbie comes
out and says they put rings in pigs' noses to keep them from
digging up earth.
i don't
understand. then i
remember pigs root or rut, or something, with snouts, in the
dirt. i'm relieved
that neighbors in paradise don't poke holes in pigs for sport.
“neighbors in paradise don’t poke holes in pigs for sport”
(camino and canal, Boca Negra and neighborhood piglets
in
Santisima Cruz)
another regular
member of the men's bench life arrives. all three men agree on
things in Revelation in general. the world's going to the
dogs. this town's next,
they say.
the one-man
congregation bather goes in the door on my right, black shorts
drooping and sticking.
canal church is
over and i’m still confused, sammy. is paradise perfect or not?
55. GO AHEAD. FALL IN
LOVE WITH
i tell Robbie i
stayed at the party till ten last night.
i got home
sober, for once, after spending Sunday evening at the side of
Gustavo, younger brother of the kid with thirty-three
siblings. it was
Gustavo's twentieth birthday, so he had first dibs on the
i gave Gustavo
an American dollar bill and 800 pesos in small bills as a
birthday present.
Robbie says no
one gives birthday presents in Santisima Cruz.
it wasn't
planned as a birthday present. it
only became one when, in the course of his string of questions
about things peculiar and far away in the U.S., Gustavo asked
how much a dollar was worth, and pulled one out of his pocket.
800 pesos, i
said.
it took a while
to translate what followed, and to figure out he wanted me to
change it for him since, as he said, in Santisima Cruz a
dollar bill to him was just a piece of paper.
he wasn't awed
by the great
i gave him the
800 pesos, then Ibrahim came by and i showed him the dollar
and pulled out another dollar besides.
Ibrahim,
Gustavo's older brother, is my favorite, sammy, since the
night before when he led me drunk and wavering over the
footbridge above the caño.
actually he’s my
favorite since Saturday morning, when he saved me from
terminal world-weariness by talking to me. so i gave him one of the two
dollars, then gave the other back to Gustavo, saying it was
his birthday present. he
tried to give back the 800 pesos and i insisted he keep them.
Gustavo “wasn’t awed by the great USA or its dollars, apparently”
Gustavo
and the Dr.
imagine a
tropical garden, sammy. it’s
full of blossoms, and fruit and nuts on trees everywhere, a
garden like
this
Gustavo i like
a lot, sammy, for his plain straightforward decency. but Ibrahim is my favorite
because he goes around the neighborhood like he owns it, in a
constant state of intoxicated glee. it shows in his face and
mushes up his bass speech so he sounds drunk on life.[3]
the really big
party wasn't last night though. it was the night before,
when Ibrahim held his liquor and i did not. that Saturday night party
was a newsworthy event in paradise. for twenty-four hours my
brain has played and replayed it, wondering what it did to me
and how.
the occasion
was the selection and crowning of Miss Santisima Cruz at the
town's enclosed party field, ‘la caseta’.
with what
little heart i have, sammy, i miss this town already. i miss Gustavo, who just
walked by on his way to high school; or prep school,
maybe. he said
hello simply and kept going. i miss his brother, Ibrahim,
who came up on a little kid's diminutive dirt bike just now,
and went in the house.
now he and
Robbie come out of the house and invite me to take a horseback
ride to the countryside town where Ibrahim teaches math and
other subjects to fifteen-year-old campesino
kids. i agree to
go, then remember i'm supposed to wait here and meet Hernando
to buy vallenato
cassettes.
at the moment
my eyes are actually wet, thinking about leaving, sammy. i’m disgusted with
myself. i hear
myself tell Robbie i want the rest of the week here – no, the
rest of my life. whichever
is longer! how can
i, the grouch, be saying this? especially
when we're scheduled to leave tomorrow morning. somebody has a commitment in
i imagine a
talk with Robbie where he scolds me for showing an interest in
Hernando, a youth who is slightly outside Robbie's intimate
circle of friends and thus a bit of an unknown. i'm not sure how Ibrahim
even became a part of Robbie's intimate circle, since Robbie
has been gone from town eighteen years. Ibrahim was only five when
Robbie left at fifteen. Gustavo
was only two. how
could they be such good friends? it makes no sense.
Ibrahim passes
again, and i say hello. he
continues without stopping and i find myself crying –
literally – at the thought of leaving this spot.
what is going
on? maybe it
happens when you're about to kick the bucket. you go from scrooge to mush
and back, constantly. i’ve
been hiding out in scrooge all this time, or something, just
to avoid mush.
ibrahim bikes
by in the other direction now, and i invite him to take the
horseback ride at once. we
could get back before Hernando gets out of school. he says it’s not
'recommendable'. the
paths are muddy. however,
we could go by launch (chalupa),
he says. i'm relieved
i've finally talked to him. it's a huge relief, sammy, like a
world lifted off my shoulders.
what is wrong
with me?
56. FRIENDS OF YOUR HOSTS HAVE
DANGEROUS POLITICAL CONNECTIONS, YOU SAY? WHO CARES?
RELAX. ENJOY YOUR STAY IN
later. writing
in the patio-kitchen.
now i've had
breakfast; and Robbie and Yazmín have clarified things.
they've saved
me from falling in love with paradise.
don't ever love
a spot on this earth with people in it. in no time they'll destroy
the illusion.
i'm devastated
– but relieved, maybe. i'm
a mess. i'll explain,
if i can think at all.
to repeat,
Ibrahim is the good looking young man who wears a straw hat
above his black sleepy eyes, black bushy eyebrows and
mustache, the one who had breakfast with us Saturday morning,
later sat on the bench fixing his bike wheel and told me he
had thirty-three siblings. first
of all, as i said, Ibrahim and Gustavo do not live next door
as i'd thought. they
just go in and out visiting the young barber-fisherman and the
other young man who lives there. Victoria – Ibrahim and
Gustavo's mother – has worked hard to give her three kids –
the two boys and Sandi – what they deserve. Sandi is the dark steamy
tropical dish who climbed the porch the other night, standing
in profile for my sake a second.
i don't like
it, but it might be the perfect excuse to walk out of this
paradise with all its many allusions to violence, and never
look back, sammy.
i'll try to
explain.
if i can.
it's not that
i'm down on guerrillas automatically, or necessarily. it's just that they might be
dangerous. shouldn't
we
get the next launch out?
why are there
Marxist guerrillas in paradise anyway, where everything's
perfect? why ruin a
good thing? don't
they know that the communist
Robbie looks
relaxed. he feels
we're safe; and won't discuss it further, now that breakfast
is over. maybe
later. too many
people around, listening.
so i have to
think it through calmly, with your help, sammy.
when someone
befriends guerrillas, is it for economic, psychological,
political or other reasons? did
their friendship with guerrillas occur out of economic
need? did it come
about psychologically, maybe growing out of resentment toward
Pop, who works for the government in 'infrastructure'? or did
it come from a fundamental political leaning of
did it have to
come about at all? was
it really necessary? violent
revolution of any kind is not my thing on vacation or any
other time, let’s face it. i’m
used to peace and quiet in the suburbs.
the way
Yazmín tells it – over breakfast – and Robinson
translates, is this: the boys got in the habit somehow of
traveling to all the little towns on the outskirts of
Santisima Cruz on their saint's days. they partied, fooled around
with the girls and drank in the streets till the sky
lightened, like we did Saturday night. or until the guerrillas came
by and told them to go home right away, saying, "We can't
protect you here any longer."
protect from
what?!
from those who
might dislike their friendship with guerrillas, say
Yazmín and Robbie, matter-of-factly.
what
‘friendship’? i ask, choking on breakfast masa.
when the
guerrillas come to Santisima Cruz on weekends, says Robbie,
they always stay at
but that's not
what i mean. how did
they become friendly? from
deep sympathy with their cause? or by getting caught in a
web of obligations they can't escape?
both, thinks
Robbie.
help me,
sammy. i’m losing
it. it's time to be
sensible and i am rattled. they're
ruining paradise. suddenly
it's a town not of friendship and warmth, but of
intrigue. who
belongs to which party? are
friends friends? Colombian
politics are deadly. when
political parties disagree, hundreds or thousands die. survivors give mass
slaughter a name, like ‘La
Violencia’; or, 'War of a Thousand Days'. one of my tour books says
that during La
Violencia, simple people like the people in this town
were killed just for belonging
to one traditional party or the other,
Conservative or Liberal. that,
sammy, in the states would be like being shot in the head by a
Republican just for being a Democrat, or vice versa. and this is no infant
democracy here, it is not one of the baby democracies born
around the world in the last few decades. this so-called democracy has
elected its president and legislature for the greater part of
two centuries, ever since Simón Bolívar defeated
the Spanish monarchy in 1819.
they got their
independence soon after we got ours.
finally, as if
the two traditional parties had not caused strife sufficient
in a century and a half, more parties appeared during the
fifties and sixties, say the guide books: guerrilla parties,
several kinds of Marxists, including Maoist, Soviet, Cuban,
and Catholic, all of them espousing armed, violent revolution.
the two original
traditional warring parties, liberal and conservative, finally
civilized themselves, calmed down, thought straight about what
they’d been doing stupidly to their own country, and joined
forces against all of the revolutionary Marxist parties. but by then it was too
late to stop them.
and mj lorenzo,
trying to hide from the world in 1994, ran into ALL of them.
i could find a
different spot, sammy. i
could forget Santisima Cruz. but now i’ve got drinking
buddies here. and
besides, how could anyone forget Santisima Cruz? even Colombian authors
living abroad in safety, even Nobel Prize winners, come back
to write about Santisima Cruz.
so now i have
depressing questions to ask. are Robbie’s friends
guerrillas? are
they hiding something? does
Robbie know more than he’s saying? were all the friendly people
at Gustavo’s party friendly because they wanted me on their
side? were they
merely friendly out of allegiance to Yazmín and her
family; or both?
am i safe?
must i now
doubt that people here like me for simply being who i am, the
interesting gringo, Dr. Lorennzo the writer, as i assumed till
now, apparently grandiosely?
nothing makes
sense any more.
to make sense
of it, i need to be calm. and
to stay calm i have to think on paper. how did we get to this
point?
i’ll fill you
in, sammy.
robbie says the
friendship between the two families goes back to when
Yazmín, with several kids from age two (Adriana) to
fifteen (Robbie); and
so i
hesitate. if this
boozing friendship develops, what will it mean? if i befriend Robbie’s
friends, then return for a wedding, will i look like a
guerrilla sympathizer? if
i talk or write about politics, as right now, will i look like
an outside agitator? a
little while ago, when i cried at leaving these friends,
fallen in love with the whole paradisal world of ten of the
nicest young men south of the big dipper, i was seeing it
romantically. now
reality hits. maybe
they’ll be knifed to death by political enemies. yesterday i’d found a town i
might call mine, an educated town, a town sano, as Angel called
it. healthy. sound. not sick and insane like
towns and cities everywhere else. a perfect place to forget
the crazy world. but
today i see there’s insanity here too.
“Whose side is
politico Pop on?” i
ask Robbie.
he doesn’t
know. he can’t talk
about it, so i answer the question myself. for all i know, Pop could
work for ‘infrastructure’ under the guise of government
employee, while as a politico,
on the sly, he’s friends with guerrillas. how would i know? would i want to know? wouldn’t knowing get me in
deeper? six feet
deeper?
i’m not down on
guerrillas or leftists, sammy, don’t misinterpret this,
please. they do good
things sometimes. once
in a while they outdo good with bad, i’ve heard. sometimes they do very good
things, i’ve heard, or very bad. they’re a mixed bag, like
life. i’m not down
on life, either, at the moment. it’s danger i’m down
on. in some places
in
nor is it that
i’m on one side or the other, right or left.
Republicans,
Democrats and guerrillas all seem ridiculous to someone
dying. sides aren’t
the problem, sammy. i
never was very political, as you know, even before i got
bitten by a bug. i
doubt i’d ever risk my life for political reasons. my problem is that political
danger, if present, is not my idea of escape. it’s too intense. i want to be left alone to
slip into the next world quietly and thoughtfully, resting in
my bed or hammock in Santisima Cruz in peace, when i choose. that’s all i ask for, sammy.
it isn’t too much to
ask, is it?
Sandi,
sister of Ibrahim and Gustavo
57. YOU'LL STILL SEE ALL
YOUR BOOZIN’ PALS MONDAY MORNING, ONE BY ONE. WHAT’S
SO BAD ABOUT THAT?
i'm out on the
front porch again.
Ibrahim passes
again and again, talking to Robbie, saying little to me.
maybe he senses
my confusion. i’m
more wound up than usual. it
would be an effort to talk to me even under ordinary
circumstances, i admit, given his costeño
accent, my shyness and imperfect knowledge of Spanish. as their incorrigible
toothless ‘Tio’ said
last night at the birthday party, it's no use knowing a little
bit of a language only. a
language is useful only if you can 'dominate', said Uncle, and
i can't.[4]
i feel helpless to
communicate, much of the time. and it's getting the best of
me, sammy. especially
now when i'm more desperate to understand than ever. especially today of all
days, when i'd like to say a heartfelt, well-expressed goodbye
and thank-you.
this is the
same old ‘Tio’ who early in last night's party fell asleep
drunk on aguardiente,
vallenato, chicken soup and noise, in a short hammock of
coarse cords, not the usual soft cloth. because of the way a short
hammock is made, he dozed off in a sitting position, leaning
back in the hammock, knees splayed, straw campesino hat on
chest. later he
woke, traipsed wobbling about in ragged shirt and pants,
saying wise and toothless, incorrigible things like, "All
gringos are Italians!"
"What do you
mean, Tio? That's
crazy!" Gustavo said. after
much palaver Gustavo translated for me. what Tio was saying in
gum-smacking patois, was that ‘gringo’ is an Italian word.
"Oh," said i. "I didn't know that."
or was it that
'
"
Ibrahim said
his name was Turkish. some
Turks hit town a few years back. in the market yesterday
there were people who looked Middle Eastern. i've seen Hamitic and
Semitic features around here, i think, but "race" is a
confusing matter in these parts, and most people with an ounce
of sense ignore it.
but i was
filling you in, sammy, thinking it all through in order to
stay calm, and weigh options.
Saturday night
i got to know all the boys, one by one, who Robbie considers
his pack. they’re half
a generation behind him. they
were only five or less when he left here at fifteen, yet he
insists ten years and a continent can’t dull a friendship
between a fifteen year old and a five year old in Santisima
Cruz. Ibrahim's
mother and his own mother were like family. and from the states Robbie
has phoned home − enough over the years to keep up with family
and friends and others besides. he and i are still friends
for that reason alone. Robbie's
a long-distance phoning fool of a good friend.
but if Robbie
called that much to Santisima Cruz, he should have known about
the political situation, shouldn't he?
i'll have to think about that.
maybe that's something they can't talk about on the phone.
i guess the
boys of the neighborhood must be working today, or in school,
since it's Monday. the
bench next door that was full all weekend is empty. only Ibrahim is around at
the moment, passing back and forth on a miniature dirt bike. the young barber-fisherman i
haven't seen, nor the young guy from the country who married
the girl next door, moved in with her and thereby fell into
the pack.
it's
interesting that no sign says 'milk'. none of the barrio row
houses is marked 'Dairy Products', or 'Cheese' or 'Barber' or
'Hammocks' or 'Guerrilla Info'. the sala, or front parlor
of any house is also often a makeshift store, or place of
business. if you
want milk you go to the corner house, down-canal to the right;
everyone knows; if cheese, you come here, as they've done this
morning. as
advertisement, a chunk of cheese sits on a table in the
doorway, drying, open to air and ants. somehow it escapes dogs,
chickens and pigs walking through the sala. in our house they sell
eggs and sodas too, out of the fridge. and Omar kills a steer each
Sunday morning. he cuts
it up and sells it in pieces at the market in the church
plaza. a lot of
business goes on in that main square during the two market
days each week, Thursdays and Sundays, but just as much
happens at home every day of the week. if you want a hammock, you
go to
it's a simple
life. very old
fashioned.
and it WAS
growing on me.
one of the milk
brothers came by this morning earlier, and explained he was
delivering milk, but i didn't see any. then his brother, the one
who supplied the music cassettes Saturday night for the street
party after the beauty contest, came by, high up on a burro,
sitting atop a strange wooden frame that held wooden buckets
on each side of the burro. i
was used to seeing him on two legs, like Saturday night! i asked what in the world
he was doing way up there, riding two antique wooden buckets
on top of a burro’s back, of all things, and he said he was
going to get milk to sell in the 'store', meaning the front
room of their house.
he didn't look
unhappy. he didn't look
violent or revolutionary. he
looked like a boozing pal you met after a Saturday night
blast. i felt i was
talking to a brother, actually, a buddy i'd known all my life.
it felt like more than
that, in fact, but i don’t know how to explain it, sammy. a few days and a party or
two in this part of the world can change a person until he no
longer recognizes himself or any person or thing in the world,
apparently.
this last day
in paradise may change me again, for better or worse.
here comes
Ibrahim on his too-small child's bike again, smiling. he keeps right on going and
it upsets me.
tell me
something, sammy. if
i'm afraid of Ibrahim's guerrilla friends; if i'm thirty years
older than he; if i'm leaving here to keel over in Denver
peacefully and quietly; then why the heck do i find myself
wanting to feel a part of this group of twenty-year-olds? it's humiliating, really,
when you consider how crazy it seems.
i’m out of
control again.
i’m a pawn of
emotions i don’t understand.
a Santisima Cruz burro hauls firewood in a wooden frame
as
driver walks behind
58. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
HIDE TOO LONG IN A SHELL? YOU HATCH AT A TIME AND
PLACE THAT’S ABSOLUTELY MIND-BLOWING.
it all started Saturday. i'd gotten my inner wall
back by Saturday morning and felt better. Ibrahim drew me out and left
me feeling safe. i
learned García Márquez lived here during his
teens. i saw the house
where he lived, and that opened another door in me. this caño flows right by the back of that house, a few
blocks from here. good
things were happening right and left. i got used to trash floating
by. it was
hypnotizing. people
liked me for some reason. everywhere
i went, lively, likeable, good-looking and popular boys from
the neighborhood popped up and wanted to be around. despite the exceedingly
backward appearance of their isolated pueblo, including the
fact that they rode milk-hauling burros to sell milk, and let
pigs wander through their houses, they were not unlettered
brutish hicks, but decent educated county-town boys.
late in the
afternoon Saturday, Ibrahim came by and said i should come to
a party. it was a
special party for the whole town, a rare event i had to
see. i didn't tell
him i hated parties, like i would have told anyone in the
states. instead,
the house and my writing pad suddenly felt cramped and
boring. rather than
offend Ibrahim, who had won the unannounced prize for drawing
me out of my shell, i decided to go. i'd hide in a corner and
watch, at least. that
would be his reward.
in the end i
spent the night out, sammy, not hiding at all, but getting to
know all of the 17-25 year old boys i'd been admiring since
arrival, one by one, the neighborhood pack. the young fisherman came by
for a while, seeming shyer and younger than the rest. Ibrahim was a mainstay, as
were the two milk guys. i
was baffled wondering what age they might be, any of them, and
still am, because they retain a youthful appearance yet behave
more maturely than their age counterparts in our country. boys grow up faster in poor
anyway –
Saturday night, at the beauty contest at the caseta – as we were
paying our way in: Robbie turned to me and said there were
guerrillas about.
it was
inscrutable. a warning,
maybe. an
observation. who
knew? too many big
things happened too fast to ask.
inside the
entrance gate the place was teeming with locals. we stayed near the entrance,
far from the noisy stage, at the back end of the big walled
field. it seemed
like the large enclosed farmyard of an old hacienda. besides the mob of partying
locals, there were government soldiers in twos and threes with
powerful rifles, certainly automatic. not resting on shoulders
like
in no time the
boys of the neighborhood found us. they kept passing
Medellín rum and aguardiente
chased by Pepsi or orange soda, and soon Robbie and Ibrahim
looked a little tipsy, i thought. playing big brother, i said
we shouldn't drink too much, but stay sharp, since there might
be guerrillas about. plus
there were soldiers with guns. but
i had no real desire to refuse my wonderful new friends the
next few rounds of aguardiente,
and so, very soon i was too happy to care. live music came booming down
the field, bouncing off the walls. i'd found a good place to
get away from the world and it was called Santisima Cruz. it was heavenly. coming from outer space, i’d
landed in a single block of ten local youth who were
immortal. it wasn't
like the first-night’s party in
maybe i was of
no interest to government soldiers, but what about guerrillas?
"Where are
they?" i asked Robinson in English after several rounds of aguardiente.
"i tell you
look behind."
"They're still
behind us?" that's what
i’d thought he'd said when we were outside the entrance. "Are they following us?"
he ignored
this.
so i said, "I'm
not going to turn around and stare. That's too obvious."
why wouldn't he
help me understand?
as a result, i
had no idea what they looked like or what i was supposed to
feel about these mysterious ‘guerrillas’. since the day on the plane
when we'd discussed dangers, whenever the subject of
guerrillas had come up we'd parried and misunderstood each
other. since Robbie
rarely employed past tense in English, maybe he'd meant they'd
been outside the gate and had stayed there. things were too fast and
loud to sort out anything of magnitude in a language not
Robbie's, or one not mine. these
were our only choices.
is it any
wonder i keep writing to you, sammy, instead of talking to
people here?
so, when
Hernando came along and spoke my language better than Robbie,
i was relieved. i
told him Robbie and i had been preoccupied with guerrillas. of course it didn't occur to
me at first that Hernando might be one. the word guerrilla had been
abused in the states until it connoted someone heartless,
cruel and non-human. teenage
Hernando looked none of these.
"They're here,"
said Hernando, a younger, shorter version of El Pescador, the
fisherman, with curly hair like his, and no mustache, but
lighter complexion, and a friendly teenage smile. "Who knows which ones they
are," he said in English with an accent. "They are mixed in,
everywhere. They
are around you."
why in the
world had i gotten the notion they always wore uniforms? i knew better from fifty
years of media absorption, but it’s different when people are
telling you they’re within a few yards. your circuits blow and you
forget things.
it was the
clearest picture i'd gotten of guerrillas so far, and i
appreciated it. why
couldn't Robbie have been as clear? it wasn't the news i would
have wanted, but at least it got me talking to Hernando. naturally it hadn't occurred
to me yet, sammy, that the boys themselves might be friends
with guerrillas, or sympathize with their cause, or that
Hernando might have included his own innocent-looking self
when saying, 'They’re around you'. apparently guerrillas not
only looked human, they were. and if they could stand
around and not bother me, how could they be bad? they had to be harmless as
dormice.
Robbie had only
talked to me once about Colombian guerrillas in general, years
before, when he first lived with me in
so, at the
moment when Hernando told me there were guerrillas everywhere,
dressed like ordinary people, i was surrounded by Robbie and
the boys of the neighborhood and felt protected and cared for.
they didn't seem to be
worried. why should
i be? guerrillas
probably came to the beauty contest every year. life in Santisima Cruz
offered a number of imponderables besides guerrillas, and my
mind leapt to a different one, electricity.
throughout the 1990s the main dock and plaza in Santisima Cruz
were
often well guarded by Colombian government troops, as here
(photo taken from inside chalupa
with boat's roof and someone's back partly blocking view)
59. OK. PICTURE THIS.
YOU AND A THOUSAND PARTYING TROPICAL TEENS AND
TOWNSFOLK. THE CROWD IS INFILTRATED BY CAMOUFLAGED,
ARMED GUERRILLAS ON THE ONE HAND, AND UNIFORMED GOVERNMENT
SOLDIERS WITH AUTOMATIC RIFLES ON THE OTHER.
MID-PARTY, ELECTRICITY FAILS. LIGHTS GO OUT.
BLIND AS A BAT IN PURGATORY, LOST IN AN ARMED MOB IN
COCALAND, WHAT DO YOU DO NOW, O SEEKER OF
once or twice
each evening in Santisima Cruz, the electricity goes dead from
one to ten minutes, and no one has offered an
explanation. the
inadequacy of third world infrastructure is no doubt to blame.
women in their homes
pull out candles indifferently, and as soon as they're out and
lit, back come the lights.
standing there
with the boys i foresaw what would happen. i turned to Robbie and said
in English, “If the lights go out at this party of 500 or 1000
people, young and frisky, in an open field surrounded by four
walls too high to scale and escape, all primed with aguardiente, prodded
by guns, and sparked by live music stirring passion, from
South American Indian drum-and-flute cumbia, to primo vallenato done with
guitar instead of accordion, to Gloria Trevi lip-synched by a
hometown somebody they all screaming know, then WHAT IN THE
WORLD is going to happen when the lights go off?!!” i looked at him insanely,
worked up by my brilliant line of thought. “There'll be panic!” i
answered, not waiting for him. i was panicked thinking
about it, so we decided that if it happened we'd rush to the
side wall “to escape stray bullets,” and we would "stay
together."
sure enough, in a few minutes everything came to a
halt. the lights went
off, the booming sound went dead, and i ran blindly in the
direction of the side wall only to crash spectacles first into
a woman who shrieked and shrieked again when i grabbed her in
the dark to keep her from falling over. i begged her pardon and
stayed by her side in the darkness, wondering why no one in
the crowd had panicked but me, and why Robbie hadn't followed
the plan.
several minutes went
by. the lights came
on and i returned to Robbie and the boys, and he said in
Spanish, as if this were the requisite language from now on,
"Where did you go? I
said stick together if the lights go out!?"
i couldn't
defend myself in Spanish. it
required shouting unbefuddled in a foreign tongue, arguing
subtleties over mind-boggling noise. so naturally, sammy, the
next time the lights went off i stayed by him in the dark,
swigging aguardiente,
chasing it with orange soda as nonchalantly as the rest of the
crowd, ignoring gun-wielding soldiers and pocket-pistol
guerrillas dressed as ordinary people, as if it were a fifties
high school dance in Florence, New Jersey.
that’s your
doctor boy in
60. FIND REASSURANCE IN THE
YOUNG BARBER-FISHERMAN.
later.
my writing,
here on the front porch, gets halted by the fisherman, El Pescador, as i
dubbed him at the church and here. his name is Pablo i
think. he's the one
who helps at the church, wears the medallion of Christ's face,
lives next door to the left and is also the junior barber. he's younger than most of
the guys, it seems, maybe nineteen or seventeen, with shorter
black hair than theirs, tighter ringlets and no mustache. he has a year left to finish
high school or bachillerato,
he tells me. after
that he wants to go to
“the
teenage barber-fisherman”
i disagree. there's killing cows,
selling cheese, catching fish, barbering. it's a healthy friendly sano life. i don't mention the
guerrillas, of course, because i want to dissuade him from
moving away. if there’s
any chance in hell of my moving here, sammy, to buy
Yazmín's house and live out my days, all my drinking
buddies are going to have to be here still. why should i risk being
kidnapped and killed by anti-American revolutionary Marxist
guerrillas, if El Pescador won't be here?
isn't that what
guerrillas do to gringos in
of course i
don't ask El Pescador these questions.
he says there's
some work here, yes. but
there's nothing like taking a mango and using it for making
candy or ice cream. here
in this little town all you get is the real mango off the
tree, but no jobs or business schools. in
as for a career
of catching fish and such, as i recommended, El Pescador
admits he likes walking in the nearby forest, catching turtles
and birds. he traps
canaries and songbirds and lets them out of the cage at home,
because they sing better when flying free in the house, and
they ‘never fly away’. turtles
hide under the plants we see floating in the river, he
says. he means, i
assume, in places where such plants stay put, along riverbanks
and bog shores. the
turtles are of several varieties and sizes, but never as big
as those from Galapagos, he explains to my question. as with birds, if he doesn't
eat the turtles, he gives them away or sells them.
Pedro ‘El Pescador’ (the 'teenage barber-fisherman')
fishing
in the Rio Mojana near Santisima Cruz’ main dock
how can we sit
here, sammy, talking about turtles and birds when we're
surrounded by guerrillas? could
it be that there really is nothing to fear?
if El Pescador
likes fishing and trapping birds and turtles, he should stay
in Santisima Cruz, if you ask me. if he's in
besides, if he
leaves, who will peel limes for our late night street parties?
that was his
job during the party Saturday night.
as for his
church, which Yazmín says is ‘the only reason
the whole town hasn't passed into the hands of the
guerrillas’, El Pescador says he likes the present priest, who
is affectionate, i.e. loving, ‘cariñoso’,
especially to young people. he
doesn't chase women like the last priest, who got sent to a
monastery as punishment for all his drinking and running
around and has ‘served’ three months already.
when El
Pescador talks, it's a little like Ibrahim; he's enchanted
with everything and beams life and its delights, be they
turtles, fish or drunken priests. with my camera i got a
full-frame close-up of his young thoughtful face, and a
close-up of Ibrahim too, when he went by again, with his
darker, almost sneaky smile.[6]
now some boys come by
selling caged canaries for $15, and i take a close-up of one
of them.[7]
how can these
young men be happy under such intense political conditions,
sammy? maybe it's just
more proof that the place is blessed and that i'm an old
fogey, making a guerrilla mountain out of a paradise molehill.
“now some boys come by selling caged canaries for $15
and i
take a close-up of one of them”
61. ALWAYS DODGE POLITICAL
INTERROGATION. DO IT WITH IMAGINATION AND SHARP
KNOWLEDGE OF COCALAND HISTORY. USE DIPLOMACY,
FLATTERY, QUOTATIONS OF COCALAND NOBEL LAUREATES IN
LITERATURE, CHANGES OF SUBJECT, AND PUTDOWNS OF GRINGOLAND
AND THE ENTIRE WORLD. PUT DOWN YOUR INTERROGATOR IF
YOU MUST, TO GET HIM OFF YOUR POLITICAL TAIL. IF ALL
THIS FAILS, THEN BARE YOUR HEART UNTIL YOU FEEL SO
VULNERABLE YOU GO PLUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC MUTE, TO THE
BETTERMENT OF ALL.
anyway, after
the live show, and once the wrong girl had won Miss Santisima
Cruz – only, as Ibrahim's best friend said, because she had a
better ass, or "tiene
nalgas," unlike the one he wanted to win, apparently his
girlfriend or something close, who other than her ass deserved
it most – there followed a ‘rumba’, a party and
dance during which we all – or i, at least – got even a little
dumber and drunker yet.
somewhere in
here, while people were dancing, is where i began a long
conversation with seventeen-year-old Hernando. he was different from the
other boys and i responded to him more intensely, with an
obsession almost. he
was the only one who spoke English, which meant i could
understand him easily, and he seemed to understand my bad
Spanish. this put
us on an equal footing, ignoring the age difference of
thirty-four years, of course.
Hernando was a
young intellectual. in
keeping with tradition in
eventually i
realized Hernando was better raised than the others and closer
to what in our country was upper class, but in old world terms
– which seemed to pertain here – was landed gentry, in a very
remote and backward, conservative, old-fashioned area. his parents had a big hacienda ten miles
outside of Santisima Cruz, but lived most of the year in
it all smelled
of money, power and influence, of course, sammy.
once i'd gotten
this much out of him, and told him a little about me, leaving
out the most important current information, of course, there
followed the inevitable questions.
"Why do North
Americans," he asked, always smiling genuinely, "say
how was i
supposed to answer? the
tour books hadn't mentioned political interrogation as a
possible outcome of touring
i said,
"Americans hardly think about
"But why do
they think we are a ‘narcodemocracy’?"
he insisted on knowing. apparently
i wasn't supposed to rattle on about the media, or appear
under-informed or evasive. he
wanted an answer.
given his
urgent tone, my mind worked harder. soon i'd be leaving not just
Cocaland, but the world. i
might never talk to Hernando again. how did i know he wouldn't
be president of his country some day? he had enough nerve. the president of any
third-world country could affect the whole world, as
"Like the
American DEA chief in
"Yes," he said,
smiling.
"What does that
expression mean to you?" i asked, like a psychiatrist trying
to defuse anger. "To
me," i said, "'narco' and 'democracy' are two huge, very
abstract words, with many possible meanings."
but you
couldn't bamboozle Hernando with semantics, either. he knew exactly what those
words meant. he
said the DEA agent meant every Colombian citizen trafficked in
drugs.
imagine!!
i never would
have interpreted it that way, and the DEA guy would never have
meant it that way either, more than likely.
it was late,
and i was on overtime. i
looked to robbie, knowing he could turn any serious
conversation into a joke, but he was in a heated conversation
with ibrahim. so i
turned to Hernando and said that average Americans might not
think that way exactly. they
just had a dark, frightful picture of
"Afraid of
what?" asked Hernando as if he really didn't know.
"Guerrillas,
drug poisoning, kidnappings, police, soldiers, thieves,
contaminated water, landslides. Floods."
he asked if i
really believed it was that dangerous and i said of course
not, since i'd come to Santisima Cruz and seen how friendly
people were. he said
nothing. no doubt
i'd offended him.
his
'interrogation', which is the best i can give it, though it
was polite and smiling and maybe a little excited by
intoxication, resumed: "Why do the North Americans," which to
him always meant U.S. Americans, "interfere in the affairs of
government of Latin American countries?"
he must have
been leading up to this, getting me ready – for the kill. so he could roast me, and
chew me up.
naturally i
didn't mention i'd been behaving the same way myself at one
point three years ago, or that my son's life was ruined by
drugs.
"Exactly,"
enthused Hernando. "If there were no demand in North America,
in other words,
we were agreeing that: if Cocaland was a narco-TRAFFICKING-democracy,
it was only because the
it made
sense. we'd found
agreement on one thing, at least. i felt better and it got me
talking more. i was
on a roll. i told
him that upon gaining material wealth, political freedom and
world dominance, many Americans had lost a sense of purpose in
living, any sense of community, of love and mutual
affection. they'd
ended up empty, using cocaine, marijuana and alcohol to fill
the void. some were
stricken with plague – physical, spiritual or both – and
didn't believe the world was worth saving or anybody in it,
not even the boys of Santisima Cruz.
i dropped this
train of thought, fortunately, because it was complex and
disturbing, maybe even offensive. if those words tied me in
knots, what were they doing to him? my original intention had
been to show there was fault in my country and good in his. i should have stopped with
that, but instead i bared my soul tactlessly until i felt
vulnerable, whether he knew it or not.
another round
of aguardiente
came by and i let it interrupt the conversation. we drifted apart and i lost
track of him. he
disappeared in the noisy crowd.
62. DETAILED STEP-BY-STEP
INSTRUCTION ON HOW TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY BY JUMPING TO
BASELESS AND POLITICALLY INSENSITIVE CONCLUSIONS ABOUT YOUR
ASSIGNED YOUNG POLITICAL INTERROGATOR.
after a while,
despite the grilling Hernando had given me, i asked about him
and they went looking. i
wanted to talk to him again because i understood everything,
suddenly. if a Nobel
Prize winning writer could come from a forgotten place like
Santisima Cruz, why couldn't a future president? the thought took possession
of me. a bright,
educated, moneyed kid with Hernando's political savvy was as
likely as any. on the
other hand, my own time in the world was limited.
therefore, it
made sense for him to use me as a punching bag, and dump his
hatred of gringos on me. soon
he'd get past what was bothering him about the
they went and
found him. he'd
been dancing.
"I missed you,"
i said.
i was hoping he would continue in the vein of
his interrogation from a politically liberal standpoint, vis-à-vis my moderate, more philosophical, almost
apolitical, view. this
time i was ready. he
didn't disappoint me. there
were a few superficialities. a couple more celebratory
rounds of aguardiente
came by, binding us further.
what were we
celebrating? i didn't
really know any more, sammy, and it didn't matter. whatever it was, it was
something that could change the world forever, if only it
would. that’s how
it felt by this point.
Hernando looked
at me with the same smiling intensity as before.
"Why," he said,
"did the North Americans have to get involved in” – meaning INVADE – “
it must have
been for idealistic reasons, right? peace and democracy? nothing perverse or outdated
like Colonialism or Imperialism, i hoped.[10]
but i wasn't sure, and i
didn't want to bullshit the future president of
in retrospect,
sammy, i see it was stupid to assume if Hernando questioned
the
all governments
would fall on their faces, i said, dealing with problems
caused by population explosion. just when they thought
they'd solved some social problem, like finding a parcel of
land for every blinking campesino,
the population would explode beyond belief, creating problems
ten times the enormity of the original problems. given that scenario of
impending doom, it would be better if each person just found
his own inner happiness. we
should change our inner selves and quit trying to change the
outside world, i said. naturally
i didn't tell him i hadn't practiced this much myself.[11]
Hernando lost
interest at this point and excused himself.
"Don't get lost
this time," i said to him. "Come
back and talk to me. You
need to practice your English."
before he left
i wanted him to know one more thing. the booze was helping me
express myself and i didn’t want my wisdom wasted. plus, from the way he
looked, my last answer probably hadn’t helped world peace
much.
when he came
back i told him i found him different from the other boys. he was special, i said,
partly because he spoke English, and for other reasons,
too. he had rare
abilities, i could see, and this was nothing to get cocky
about, i said, but was a matter of responsibility to his
people, to use his talents to help them. hopefully when he became
president of
he laughed
pleasantly and thanked me and promised to come back to talk
even more.
but our
drinking brigade left then, just after Hernando left to dance.
as a result he missed
the all night street brawl that was about to follow. i saw him a little last
night at Gustavo's birthday party, is all. and right now i'm waiting
for him to come take me to buy vallenato cassettes.
but i don't
think he's going to show, sammy.
63. KNOW GOOD HELP WHEN YOU
SEE HIM, IF YOU’RE LOST IN
Youth, large,
lusty, loving-Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know
that Old Age may come after you with equal grace, force,
fascination?
Walt Whitman
Youth, Day, Old
Age and Night
after that, our
group walked home. i
was dizzy, and swaggering a bit more than i usually would when
drinking heavily, as the boys demonstrated at yesterday's
party to the delight of those who had missed my performance
Saturday night. again
and again they demonstrated by swaggering exaggeratedly, and
audience delight grew and grew. i didn't mind.
the fact is
that when we got to the bamboo footbridge i stood and looked
at it a long time. for
some mamagallo
reason, instead of the other bridge, the high wide concrete
one with stone walls a half block down the canal, which i
could have swaggered across safely, crashing into walls or
keeling over on pavement as needed, they'd picked the very
narrow one, which had absolutely no railing or support of any
kind. it was closer
to a tightrope than a bridge. i looked at it and something
inside me overcame poor judgment with the realization i was
bound to get dizzy, fall in and float to
they laughed. i did too, but nobody headed
for the other bridge. they'd
suddenly conspired to initiate me.
mental
initiation. i was
left to stew. how would
i handle the situation?
i stood there
stewing a while.
finally Ibrahim
saved me from whatever disgrace standing there forever would
have led to. like a
perfect escort he went ahead of me, turned around with one
foot on each rod of bamboo, and held his hand out. i felt ashamed i was being
rescued in this way, but he wouldn't intentionally shame me, i
was sure. robbie
never had, nor his people. it
wasn't their way. people
around here would probably sooner kill than shame someone in
public. Cajetano Gentil, or whatever his name was, was proof
enough of that. a man
offering another man a hand, was an acceptable gesture in this
part of the world in such circumstances, apparently.
Ibrahim's hand
sticking out was hard to refuse, sammy. when i reached for it, i
found it warm and steady. Ibrahim
turned. he led me
like one of those two guides in long robes, as i’ve always
pictured them, Hope, or Faith, in Pilgrim's Progress,[12]
straight across the stretch with no railing.
that hand
helped me, of course. but
today i'm convinced that what really did it for me was
Ibrahim's charisma. the
warm steadiness of the person behind the hand told me i could
do it, so i believed in myself and did it.
god knows it
wasn't the bridge that did it. walking that narrow bamboo
footbridge would have been like walking on water. i wobbled dizzily enough i'd
have been in the caño
without that warm hand. and
not just any warm hand either. it had to be Ibrahim's
because he'd shown that he knew me better than i knew
myself. he'd proven
it when he brought me out of my shell. it couldn’t be just any hand for
another reason: because the bridge was nothing but two
three-inch bamboo poles. that
was it! NO RAILING.
worse, it was a long
traverse. those two
bamboo poles spanned a width of water that allowed two
floating chalupas,
each ten sardined people wide, to miss each other passing in
opposite directions during rainy season, so there was plenty
of opportunity to get wet fast.
and therefore: it had to be the correct hand.
“they’d
suddenly decided to initiate me"
famous footbridge of the all-night party
64. RECEIVE UNIVERSAL LOVE
AND ALL UNMERITED GRACE WITH POISE, AS ANY SAINT WOULD IN
at this point
we were about 7-8 drinking partying guys and two sober girls.
having made it across
the caño alive, we now stood in front
of the girls' house, three doors from Yazmín's. the milk brothers went away
and came back with a boom box and a stack of tape
cassettes. it must
have been two in the morning. the neighborhood had been in
bed for hours. the
street was dead, but as we stood there, the boys proceeded to
turn on their boom box and blast away with banda music, i think
they called it, an awful concoction of tinny raucous brass, a
music from where?
Egidio, one of the milk boys
(camino and a very full
canal and its retaining wall behind him)
i hated it and
after awhile they asked what i might like better. Mariachi, i said. Juan Gabriel,
maybe. best of all, vallenato. anything but that grating banda.
they had no
Gabriel or vallenato,
so put on a cassette of two male Mexican soloists, alternating
ballades in the best romantic Mexican style. we were standing on the bank
all this time.
the girls said
goodnight as they went in. it
was the right and acceptable thing for girls to do at that
hour, apparently, to go home to bed.
once the girls
left, the guys found seats in front of the Pescador's on the
crude backless bench and highback chairs the men and boys of
the neighborhood always sat on. we continued celebrating,
passing a little cup of Medellín rum, then when that
ran out, aguardiente,
talking and shouting all at once over loud music. it was impossible to miss,
throughout the sleeping neighborhood, yet no lights came on in
houses. no one came to
doors and complained. no
one yelled out through the carved, aerated brick and concrete
walls to shut up, or called the police, as they would have in
my impeccably clean and silenced condo development in
southeast
no one but El
Pescador apparently, who had disappeared from la caseta earlier,
gone home and gone to bed, noticed us and now came out his
door to greet us. he
went back in and came out with a bowl of fifteen very fresh
small limes, as if he'd picked them in the back. he also brought with him a
huge aluminum shaker of salt and a huge knife approaching the
mass and ferocity of a machete,
with which he proceeded to peel the tiny limes with alacrity,
sending pieces of peel flying into the night like wood chips
off a lathe. in a
greenish stream, they flew through the air in a perfect arc
and splashed straight into the caño.
this had to be
a time-honored ritual too, a local one.
it was amazing to watch, partly because the knife was
so disproportionately huge for peeling tiny little limes, and
yet he was so incredibly expert at it and only a teen.
ritual and know-how combined, in a kid about eighteen. no I.Q.
test; no interview or application or essay necessary. if he'd
been applying to my college, he'd have
been admitted then and there.
two or three
years ago, before i got depressed, sammy, i used to love
rituals of all kinds. my
life needed important ritual. i craved sacred ritual and
still do, so was mesmerized by the flying lime peels. i reveled at the chance to
be a part of it. present
were Robinson; Ibrahim; el Pescador; Ibrahim's best friend,
who was upset his girlfriend had lost the beauty contest to a
girl who won only because ‘she had ass’, ‘tiene nalgas’; the
boy from the countryside who married the girl next door; the
two milk boys; and maybe more i can't remember now.
Ibrahim's best
friend posed a major question which stopped all conversation.
he complained in a loud
showman's voice, slightly slurred, "The one who sh-should have
won didn't, and the one who won, is a PIG." something like that. "Aye aye ai," said everyone,
toasting the awful truth.
i felt a
painful urge to fill in the detail of WHY the pig had
won. the complaint
lacked substance without it. the implied question lacked
an answer. i gave into
the urge.
"Ai," i added, "b-but, tiene nalgas."
they howled and
acclaimed me passer of the next round of aguardiente, for i
had "won the right." and
pouring and passing aguardiente,
sammy, seemed to win me even higher membership than crossing
the bridge. in a few
minutes Robinson said it was universally agreed, the whole
town was "enamored" of me. the
Spanish word usually meant ‘fallen in love’. i’d been a convert to
Santisima Cruz since morning, but with this, whatever scrooge
was left in me suddenly turned to mush, and i was puddy, an
all-out, mindless Santisima Cruz zealot.
and that lasted
until just a little while ago, at breakfast.
65. HOW TO MILK FOR ALL
IT’S WORTH, ONE OF THE BIGGEST, BEST, HOLIEST, MOST
SOUL-SAVING RITUAL DRUNKEN BACCHANALS OF ALL HISTORY.
after each
round of aguardiente
the Pescador would pass peeled and salted quarter-limes, an
interesting variation on the usual Pepsi chaser. you took one and squeezed it
mid-air above your wide open mouth, letting the cold sour lime
and salt wash down the warm sweet anise. then you sucked on the
actual bittersweet lime fruit to finish the gesture. i loved this ritual beyond
words. what it seemed
to stand for at the moment was bigger than life itself. i could not in a string of
lifetimes have found words for it.
Yazmín
emerged from her front door at 4:30. i had no idea what time it
was, but yesterday Robbie said it was 4:30 A.M. when she came
out. sitting there by
the caño, i
was so intoxicated by Santisima Cruz and its young men i'd
forgotten a thing like a wrist watch existed, let alone was on
my arm. i was rocking
to the beat of slow sad crooning Mexican ballads, rocking
right and left. others
rocked too as if agreeing, and here came Yazmín and
called Robinson, who rushed to counsel with her. they decided something and
he sat down. after
a half hour he led me inside.
the rest of the
boys went on drinking and brawling forever, i think, as in
authentic heavenly bacchanalian and dionysian realms. or at least until i ran into
them at separate points yesterday and today, in earthly form,
back here on the planet, and saw their smiles under regular
conditions.
i was dizzy and
nauseated by the time i got to the hammock. i crawled in drunk, in my
clothes, trying desperately to stop it swinging. Yazmín and Angel
breathed heavily on their separate board cots below and to the
side of me, once or twice, and i passed out.
when i tried to
get up, yesterday morning at 10, i vomited in the baño, suffered
diarrhea, and refused anything but a glass of water. i climbed back in the
hammock and slept through Sunday masses, which i'd spent half
of Saturday trying to borrow long pants for. finally i got up at 1 PM and
took more aspirin, refused food and asked for Sunday soup, but
it was all eaten. despite
that and the hangover, the world seemed a better place, full
of grace i didn't merit.
until reality
hit a while ago in the form of guerrillas, sammy.
now my paranoia
is back, and i don't like paranoia any more.
what happened
to getting away from everything and everybody?
66. REFLECT CAREFULLY. THEN
SEE FIT TO DISMISS PARANOIA ONCE AND FOR ALL AS A DISTINCT
NUISANCE IN
a big event
just occurred on the camino
which had all the neighbors from four houses laughing and
conferring. Boca Negra
slunk through the house and out the front door, territory
proscribed to her-him because he-she is so foul-natured. in sight of the whole
neighborhood, he attacked a smaller dog for no apparent
reason, pinned it on its back and was taking a chunk out of
its belly when a kid playing soccer chased him off. the little dog raised a
royal piping fuss, acted like it was nigh unto death, though
no blood was visible, and went around in a circle squealing
hysterically before it stumbled its way up to its own front
door, the house on the left where the Pescador lives, tail
between legs. echoing
wails could be heard inside the house for a minute before it
presumably gave its last sigh and keeled over on the mud
floor, dead from sheer dread.
Boca
Negra (Blackmouth)
dog owners got
out no guns to shoot each other as they might have at home. they called no attorneys to
do their shooting for them. most
people have no phone here, no attorney, no gun that i’m aware
of. instead the
neighbors looked at me and laughed, bewildered as i was, and
this made me laugh.
i don't like
being paranoid, sammy, about peace-loving civilized people who
are gentler and kinder than i am. what have they done that i
should distrust them?
through
everything, Omar's horse has stood calmly tied to the tree,
watching its reflection in the canal, unfazed by soccer balls
bouncing off its belly, canal-diving boys at its nose,
squealing pigs and dying dogs at its heels. this too seems funny. it's just one more joke on
me. i should be as
trusting, calm and centered as Omar's horse.
it's hard to
say who is whose audience. every
time i find something funny, like a soccer ball hitting the
horse's head, or a boy announcing his upcoming plunge, i laugh
and the people on the bench laugh with me. seeing themselves through my
eyes, they realize they're funnier than they'd thought. maybe that's why they like
me, sammy – because i like them.
what is my
problem, anyway? why do
i have to be so suspicious? why
worry myself about simple, fun-loving people who like life?
now Egidio, one
of the milk boys, comes by to take me on a walk to the
outskirts of town.
67. HONOR A SAINT'S
later, in the
back patio.
picking
guava from the finca
rooftop
yes – it's
5:40, time for mosquitoes, and i've gotten to see where the
milk comes from. one
of the milk boys, Egidio, took me to see where he works, and
to visit a friend. i
got to eat a guayaba
(guava) and something else a lot like a guayaba, each
straight off its own tree, then drank the milk of a coconut
they shinnied up to machete from a coconut palm. we ate the pulp with a big
soup spoon, all thanks to the owner of that finca, the
informal word for any decent-sized farm, ranch or hacienda here.
coconuts
are picked barefoot in Santisima Cruz
"we ate the pulp with a big soup spoon"
only a half
block behind us begins countryside. some of the houses on the
far side of the street behind our house are the fronts of
farms or little ranches. on
the friend's finca
they had all the usual animals you see all over town plus a
huge colorfully plumed turkey, an enormous pig ripe for
slaughter, and a small herd of cattle.
“an
enormous pig ripe for slaughter”
the finca where Egidio
works had about the same. that's
where the milk comes from, i presume, which is sold at their
house. everything,
sammy, is just as simple and blissful as could be.
“a small
herd of cattle” (or a herd of small cattle)
Egidio's
brother turned up out there, in bare feet and no shirt,
driving a herd of milk cows with a stick and a friend. he pulled out a slingshot
and hit an iguana in a tree, but we never got it down to take
home for dinner.
it's the garden
of Eden, sammy, guerrillas and all.
“a huge
colorfully plumed turkey”
earlier today,
Robinson bought a canary to take home to Caridad, his famous
girlfriend in
earlier, out in
front of the house, the Pescador told me that the bird in the
cage Robinson was looking at was 'married'.[13]
i'd already asked
him if he wanted to be a priest, since he hung out with the
priests, and that thought, or something else, threw off the
discussion that followed.
"No," he had
grinned.
"You don't want
to give up women?"
"Oh," he said
pleasantly, "I'm too young for that, there's plenty of time to
think about it."
no
woman-resenting neurotic gringo DOOD was going to ruffle him,
sammy. he was a
well-adjusted young man.
then he talked
about a ring, and i saw a ring on his finger and didn't
understand who was married to whom. i said, "You mean you and
the bird are married?" but
i didn't say "the bird," i said "he", when in Spanish it
should have been "she", then realized my error.
the Pescador
didn't have a neurotic bone in his body, however. if he noticed this faux pas,
he didn't care, and we proceeded.
the whole world
must not be as paranoid as i am, i guess.
far from
ditching such a fool as i, he went in his house next door and
brought back what i assumed must have been the best book he
had in the house, a single-volume encyclopedia published in
1971, including a dictionary section translating several
languages into Spanish. he
opened the encyclopedia part and showed me that it described
i started to
tell you, sammy, that when Pescador, whose name i've learned
is actually Pedro, not Pablo or Pescador or Barber-Fisherman,
leaned over the back patio wall a little while ago, Boca Negra
leapt, no flew up the wall and took a big chomp out of the air
in front of his face. Pedro
wasn't moved in the least! he
didn’t even blink. after
all, he loved and forgave all God's creatures, even if he
trapped and ate some. all
he did was smile, genuinely happy, asking me questions about
Robbie's new canary, and he disappeared again back inside his
house. from time to
time i could see his curly black St. Francis head moving
happily above the wall.
it's a saint's
paradise, sammy.
i just don’t
get how guerrillas fit in.
68. WHEN SAYING GOOD-BYE TO
PARADISE AND ITS PERMANENT RESIDENTS, DON'T GO ON ABOUT
CASTLES AND DE-BOMB UNITS IN
Victoria and
Gustavo are here to talk awhile and say good-bye. we're all at the table in
the patio-kitchen out back. it's warm, friendly and romantic.
Robbie, though not a
citizen of the U.S. quite yet,[14]
launches into praise of his life there, lauding the
constitution which protects him from violations of his rights,
like discrimination against a golden rose-brown color,
religion or whatever. he
lauds the laws and welfare system, which allow his girlfriend
to become legal by marrying a transplanted Cocalander already
legal in the states, paying him for it while having his child;
and since that man, of course, has left her – the marriage
having been utilitarian – New York State supports her while
she stays home with the child.
perfect world, according to Robbie. everyone listens politely
and asks questions.
this helps me
realize, sammy, that our country, despite its often unhelpful
attitude toward the third world, helps Colombians in its own
backward-ass ignorant way, where it matters most, at the grass
roots. since the state
of
Robbie’s in a
rare mood saying good-bye. (we
really are leaving, i’m forced to remember.) he’s the center of attention
at Yazmín’s table, joking, pulling everyone's leg,
getting in affectionate licks. he’s
on a riotous Robbie Rivera roll. he plays mind-fuck at such
times. the bigger
the audience the better. he’s
bound to get to me eventually, and does finally. he invites me back in
December, publicly, asking me in English what i'll buy Gustavo
for a wedding present.
he doesn’t ask
if i'm too paranoid to come. that
wouldn’t be funny enough for a goodbye party.
months in
advance of the wedding, he has started the celebrating
already. they
should come get me in
now he puts
Gustavo up to asking me if i fucked a burro on my walk to the
countryside today. he
convinces 20-year-old Colombian back-country Gustavo i won't
understand the question. "He
doesn't understand anything in Spanish," says Robbie.
Gustavo and i
talked all evening long in Spanish yesterday, so he knows
better; but Robbie is Gustavo’s superior at the moment. he’s older and has the honor
of being a gringo guest. plus
it’s a jest, and anything goes at a Cocaland party, especially
a jest. Gustavo is old
enough at twenty to marry, and to talk coolly in front of his
mother, Victoria, or anyone, about local guys fucking burros
when they’re kids, ‘just for practice’.
with good humor
and poise Gustavo turns to me and asks sincerely, "Did you
fuck a burra on
your walk today?"
i blurt, "Ai! I'm not like RawBEANsawn!"
and this scores more points with the neighborhood than EVER,
luckily.
gauche as i am
by nature at times, sammy, around here i somehow manage to
escape offending everybody. no
thanks to me, i'm sure. it's
their endearing trait. no
matter how crude or inappropriate i get, no matter how
insipid, hurt, pissed or hysterical, they deign to overlook it
magnanimously. they've
forgiven a lot already. the
stupid eccentric in me that i loathe because his polluted
misanthropic character leaks out everywhere, all the time,
they've somehow managed to love and think funny. and i appreciate that,
believe me.
thinking about
what i would give Gustavo for his wedding i ask him if he
wants to learn English.
"No," he says.
"Why not?" i
ask, taken aback.
He says – in
English, "Already I study in school."
Robinson goes
on and on about the heavenly superiority of the
finally, after
waiting politely for a long story to end, Gustavo says in
Spanish, "Yes, but the
this doesn't
stop Robbie, who forgets that enough should be enough. "You can call a phone
number," he raves, "and say someone has planted a bomb, and in
five minutes the police will be at your house, plus an
ambulance and de-bomb unit! and
they can't enter your house without permission, because in the
why he goes on
about de-bomb units and castles i don't know. a bombing occurred in
"Are you
writing a novel?" Gustavo asks, because i write whenever i
lose track of the conversation, which is frequently.
"Sort of," i
say. "It's more like a
diary of my trip."
they seem
satisfied. they
don’t show any particular emotion other than the ongoing
pleasantness deemed appropriate for the special occasion of
our leaving in the very early morning.
it's a diary of
what i think
is happening, sammy, of what's happening for me, at
least. even if it's not
happening that way for anybody else.
finally they
get up to leave and Robinson heads toward the door with them.
it's dark and has been
for hours. it's
night, i notice for the first time, and they're ALL going out
somewhere. i feel left
out, like this morning.
"Are you going
out?" i ask in a disgustingly needy tone.
robbie says
he'll be right back.
69. IF THE GOOD-BYE FEELS
APOCALYPTIC, IT IS APOCALYPTIC. FOR YOU!
he is right
back, with something croaking under one arm that i can't see
in the semi-darkness of the sala, where i've moved for light to write.
"Did they give
you a pig?" i ask.
"No, a
chicken."
“something
croaking
under one arm"
carrying her purchase by the wing, a young woman heads away
from Santisima Cruz' twice-weekly main-plaza market
down the town's dock steps to catch a chalupa back home
i feel like
crying again, sammy. how
can they give that much, when they have so little? and to think i've given
nothing but a business card showing nothing but my useless
ugly Denver office address; and eight hundred Colombian pesos
worth one measly dollar. i
don't even thank them by speaking their language well, or
explaining properly our country's bossy nervy intrusion into
their country’s affairs.
this can't be
my last sight of the boys of Santisima Cruz. they need me and i need
them. they have
questions. i can do
research. i can
read TIME magazine. i
can get the Sunday New
York Times delivered to my door in
i want things
from them, too, when i come back in December. i want to hunt turtles with
Pedro. i want to ride a
horse to Ibrahim's school. i
want to attend Gustavo's wedding. everything about this
friendship feels unfinished.
as for
guerrillas, i'm not going to worry about them. worry depresses me. depression worsens my
health. guerrillas
can't be the threat i imagine. tour
books say next to nothing about them. i think i made up the
notion they kidnap U.S. Americans. i picked up that
misconception in the states, along with many wrong ideas about
when you
finally find paradise after a lifetime looking for it, it's
your own fault if you don't enjoy it.
in some ways
Gustavo is more spectacular than his older brother. he's everything as Ibrahim,
but with the heat turned down. he's
more serious, with bushier eyebrows, and grows on you more
slowly than ibrahim. several
times last night at his birthday party and tonight, i've felt
him looking at me openly, an apparently acceptable act here
between men. i met
his dark friendly eyes to acknowledge him.
i'm not sure
what we're all trying to say to each other, sammy, but it
feels bigger than a trip to the Colombian hinterland. it feels as if, according to
some supra-human plan, we are saving the world at the last
second, before it destroys itself. by our affection, we are un-doing the
perfectly SERIOUS prophecy made by
like when
Egidio brought me back to the house. after our walk to the
countryside, he went to the caño to wash
mud off the rubber boots he'd lent me for walking the mucky
path with him outside town. i
felt worn out and wanted to write, so told him good-bye and
thanks. i felt bad
about parting so abruptly, like maybe i owed him more
attention or something. we
weren’t finished. there
was more for us to do together in this lifetime. that’s how it felt.
“only a half block behind us begins countryside”
the dirt horse and
burro path to Quitasueño and a hundred other remote
paradisal villages
starts here in Santisima Cruz
a half hour
later he was back, as if feeling the same. he sat down in our back
patio, on a high-back chair at the table where i was
writing. Rosana
served us dinner and i offered him some more. he hung around for awhile
and left quietly without a good-bye, maybe feeling as deeply
as i, too deeply to talk.
as for the
good-bye with Ibrahim, the last time i saw him earlier today,
he was not driving by indifferently on his dirt bike, for
once. a motor launch
had gone by toward the left, up-canal, and i'd missed it; i
was so occupied with the fisherman Pedro, and his one-volume
encyclopedia. Pedro
said, "Look out in the water." there
was Ibrahim, apparently trying to get my attention the whole
time he'd been sailing up the caño, to go teach math to the campesino kids. he was standing up in his
flat-bottomed boat, still waving at me from a half-block away,
about to pass under the high concrete footbridge like a
mythical young god and disappear forever. i hailed him from that far
away.
as for
Hernando, he never did show up today to take me to buy vallenato cassettes.
i understand he never
returned to the party last night either. however, i noticed that one
of the really dark straight-haired Native-American-looking
kids he'd brought with him to the party, was kicking a soccer
ball at the base of the arched stone footbridge as Egidio and
i passed Victoria's this afternoon. i heard him tell another kid
i was a ‘gringo’. there
was something fresh and attention-getting about his tone, so i
turned around several times to acknowledge the kid and he
looked at me to acknowledge my acknowledging him.
who knows where
all this will lead, sammy? i'm
so filled with emotion that i'm growing cold in order to
protect myself, and putting off till later trying to
understand what has happened.
70. WHEN IT’S ALL OVER, PONDER
Santisima Cruz
is the only piece of earth i've felt drawn to in recent years,
which means i need to give it thought. maybe Robbie's right. he often knows me better
than i know myself, like you. maybe
i should buy his mother's house. it might work as a place to
live and close out accounts. there
are some drawbacks, i'll admit. guerrillas are one, but i
lack information and tend to jump to negative conclusions.
there's the
problem of dying here, too, and i’ve gotten a paranoid picture
of how it could be. if
people left me alone to die in peace, there'd be no decent
hospital to do it in. doctors
wouldn't speak English. they
wouldn't understand me or HIV, which could kill them. once they grasped the
diagnosis, they might protect the town and put me away with a
gun or pig-butchering knife. if
they spared me, they'd kick me around like a dog, thinking i
got it from sex with a guy. isn't that how gringo men
usually get HIV? it
isn't the whole story, sammy, you and i know that, but half
the world thinks that way by now. everybody seems to forget
about needle-sharing.
when you're
about to kick the bucket, it makes no sense to worry what
people will think, yet i do.
on the other
hand, it's paranoid and i’m trying to not indulge paranoia.
i take
advantage of the two very weak and shadeless light bulbs
hanging from the ceiling in the sala, and write a
little more before we do whatever we're doing tonight. i need to occupy my mind and
forget i'm leaving paradise, not certain i’ll return – since
the future is always uncertain.
Angel ties a
cord to the chicken's leg and ties the other end to the table
under the water urn in the next room, the little storage area
between the sala and the back patio. the chicken tries to run. it reaches the length of its
leash and croaks, crashing over onto the dirt floor of the
supply room.
it wants to do
its thing, sammy, like every living being, like me. i get so far then fall on my
face, each time more tied up than ever.
Rosana's
three-year-old is still up with her daddy, Omar, and thinks
it's all very funny.
and
thinks it’s all very funny”
71. PONDER DARK MOMENTS AND
LIGHT.
10:45 PM now. we leave at 4:30 AM. i have a feeling we won't go
out any more tonight, but i can't tell. the whole trip's been
nothing but huge surprises.
like my life.
who would have
guessed saying hello to a kid in
no matter how
dark it ever got, sammy, something always came along to
brighten things up. i
never like to wait, that's the problem. i’m spoiled and want things
fixed NOW, like many gringos. things
were dark when i met robbie, thirteen years ago. i’d lost my two kids. i thought i would never
recover, because recovery wasn’t happening fast enough for me.
i STILL haven't
recovered in some ways maybe. i still avoid women. i'm not proud of it, but can
you blame me?
anyway, Robbie
came along. he
helped me forget. the
pattern of darkness and light repeated over and over after
that. something
good would always come along to brighten things up. but every time, i forgot to
believe it would happen. despair
set in. my two
years with you and racer were the time it took to brighten me
up again.
i’ve never
learned how to get past despair on my own, sammy. even when a guru showed me
how to turn darkness to light, literally, i didn't practice
it. i’ve always
depended on other people to cheer me up, and still do.
another dark
time, though not nearly as bad as the kidnapping, was several
years ago when i didn't call Robbie for a couple of years and
thought the friendship was over. i was mad. i'd lent him $400 to send to
one of his sisters ‘for a complicated miscarriage’. month after month went by
and he failed to repay the loan. year after year. finally he sent twenty-five
dollars. then
nothing, though he had promised to make monthly payments of
25. i got mad and
cut off contact.
in the end i
forgave him, though, because except for this one event, he
showed more consistent commitment to our friendship than i
did. every few
months he'd call to check on me. his caring grew on me. i gradually became convinced
the caring was real because it endured over time, regardless
of rifts. so it
grew on me again as it had in the past, until i decided to
forgive the debt. soon
after this he invited me to
Rosana says
they hardly heard us Saturday night partying between 2 and 5
AM in the street. it's
the custom for boys and men of the town to party in the street
all night on weekends. there's
no place for them to go, says Yazmín. no bars. no night clubs.
it's a good
thing they don't have money, say i, or they'd all be
alcoholics. if i hadn't
been there with money, they might not have drunk so much
Saturday night. the
boys hit me up for pesos again and again, sammy, running off
to buy more aquardiente
and Medellín rum, running back with big beaming smiles
and bottles.
a cynic might
say booze was the only reason they hung out around me. but i don’t think so. it’s been too profoundly
moving to have been just that.
everybody's
packing now. Robinson
finishes his shower and sits down to talk with his sister and
mother as if he forgets we're going out. he asks me if we are.
"If you want,"
i say.
it's his
family. his
hometown.
he continues
sitting, swatting mosquitoes on his back and legs using a
T-shirt, nothing said about going out 'for a drink'. again he looks at me as if
just remembering something. but i'm tired and no longer
care. plus, i don't
like good-byes.
late Colombian
news comes on TV. bicycle
races. stuff about
the chemical
smell of mosquito spray bothers me as it rises off my body
mixed with sweat. i
showered after supper, but was soon sticky again.
cocks crow in
the distance. crickets
and cicadas chirp, a presence i hadn't noticed before.
what else will
i notice in December? will
it be good, or bad?
73. THEN THINK OF JUST ONE
GOOD THING ABOUT YOURSELF.
Rosana
expresses herself strongly. she could care less if she
doesn't have a father. i
think what she means is, she's not about to use not having a
father as an excuse for failure, as someone else in the family
has, or might.
Robinson says
he loves his sisters equally, no matter what they've done. it occurs to me that from
having no standing in his family when he left years ago, he
has gone to being the father they never had.
then i remember
i've been his father for the last thirteen years, something he
had never had before. maybe
it helped him in the
74.
AND THINK OF THE VAST, PEOPLED PARADISAL COUNTRYSIDE
AROUND YOU.
i keep thinking
we'll get to see Ibrahim tonight, since he didn't come by
earlier. but then i
remember he always goes out to the country and stays all week,
returning to Santisima Cruz only for weekends. when he left for the
countryside this morning waving from the boat, it was for
good, in other words. i
can’t see him unless i come back in December.
and where has
he gone? the
countryside in this area is highly populated, apparently, with
villages everywhere, one of which has a market day bigger than
Santisima Cruz's. i
heard Pedro the Pescador listing the towns he knows from his
walks in the countryside to find turtles and canaries. he named twenty or thirty.
Angel called
some of the villages caseríos. houses on rivers, maybe it
means.[15]
there are no roads
to these towns, sammy, no cars or trucks in river country. towns and farms are reached
by boat, animal back, or shanks' mare. between the towns lie fincas or haciendas. everything's as simple and
ancient as can be.
even at the finca we visited
today, the floors were dirt, the ‘bathroom’ was outside, and
the baby ran naked as day one, scampering with the pigs and
chickens and dogs, happy as a lark.
something tells
me Hernando's home out there in the country is nicer, like a
traditional country estate or hacienda, wealthy and
stolid, dominating the countryside with purple bougainvilleaed
walls and campesino
workers in white muslin.
it’s too bad
they have to pay guerrillas to leave them in peace.
the guerrillas
might be doing something nice with the money though.
like paying
Ibrahim to teach.
75. AND OF HOW THE LOCALS LOOK
AT YOU, AND WHAT IT MEANS.
looking at the
TV just now, sammy, i realize many of the men of this country
look at each other directly in the eye, inches from the
other's face, and speak warmly. maybe this is what has
knocked me off my foundation, starting with Chalo, right
through the weekend in Santisima Cruz.
76. AND HOW THEY STUDY
SURVIVAL MORE THAN YOU DO, AND GRASP LIFE BETTER, NOT
LETTING IT ‘FREAK THEM OUT’.
Robinson tries
to help his family with the most basic things. they can't figure out how to
get in the house when one goes out and the others lock
themselves in, asleep, keeping the one and only key inside.
Angel told me
as we entered the town the first day that "all the doors are
open." that was one of
his proofs that the town was sano, or healthy.
yet at night
they're closed. Yazmín's
is locked. and she,
for one, worries about safety. she keeps a foul watchdog
and fences off the front door at times during the day, either
to stop Boca Negra or to keep pigs and burros – or maybe
people – from climbing the steps and walking right in. she bars the door late at
night with a huge log and worries about me when i'm out late
for some reason. last
night she sent Omar Jr. to hunt for me. at my age i had to come back
from Gustavo's birthday party around nine, explain myself and
ask to stay out longer.
what does this
mean in guerrilla country?
77. SLEEP, DREAMING OF
THE LITTLE STREET URCHIN GUIDE YOU HOPE TO SEE TOMORROW.
and now i'm
going to bed. i've
given up on Robbie's going out. i don't care. i don't want to be tired all
day tomorrow during the trip back, or so exhausted when we get
to
i want to stop
worrying about Santisima Cruz, sammy, and party a little,
tomfool with that kid like we did before. we had fun.
i only have a
few days left.
“think
of the vast, peopled paradisal countryside around you”
at dusk a man and a boy paddle a loaded dugout canoe
past a single thatched countryside house near Santisima Cruz
surrounded by high water and beautiful lush vegetation
[1] ‘Aleluia, aleluia, gloria a Dios’ = ‘Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Glory to God’. In some Spanish-speaking congregations it is customary to say this after reading a scripture passage.
[2] The Dr. may have been wrong about this being from the book of Revelation. The story of God’s cursing the earth as a result of man’s disobedient eating of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (in the paradisal Garden of Eden) is told in the first book of the Bible, the book of Genesis. See the Frontispiece of the present work for a quotation from Genesis regarding God’s cursing the earth because of the disobedient first man and woman. Or: if the Bible-reader was reading from Revelation, it may have been from Rev. 22:3, which anticipates and describes the eventual undoing, by Christ, of the ‘curse’ laid down by God in Genesis.
[4] ‘Toothless Tio’ can be seen in a picture in subsection 51, in the diary entry for Saturday October 8.
[5]
Sincelejo is the capital of the state (or ‘departamento’)
of Sucre, the same state in which Santisima Cruz lies;
but, to get there El Pescador would have had to take a
two-hour motor launch to Magangué and then catch a bus ride for 60
miles (a hundred kilometers) through Sincé and Corozal. It could never have
been a daily commute, or probably even a weekly one, for
money and time reasons both. All because of Santisima
Cruz' extremely remote location.
[7]
Where were all of these pictures? At one point
when Sammy Martinez and his editorial staff were working
in New Mexico on re-publishing Hooked on Cocaland
online at the present website, namely in late 2014 and
early 2015, all of the Dr.’s photos, papers and books
pertaining to his first trip to Colombia were locked up
tightly in metal cabinets and hard vinyl storage trunks
inside a heavily locked and booby-trapped 6-room house in
Mexico (with the Dr.’s small outside Mexican patio garden
being cared for by Judith, young Hechizo’s widow) in a
tiny traditional village outside Morelia, Michoácan, all of it inaccessible to
any smart gringo who wanted to live in this world
peaceably, as the Dr. did, and so had moved to a less
chaotic country, back to the USA: due to the kidnappings,
extortions, dismemberments and decapitations being
perpetrated by cartels and maybe by local Mexican police,
federales
(federal police), vigilantes and other barbarians
throughout the Mexican state of Michoacán; all of this precipitated by a
struggle for control of the illegal drug production and
trafficking. As
of the present, the fall of 2016, in Mexico for years the
exasperatingly ineffective federal strategy has been to
capture the capos
(the jefes, the
very top dogs in the cartels) one by one, by paying a
cartel underling hundreds of thousands of dollars as
reward for ratting out his boss to the government, so that
the underling could take over the cartel (but henceforth,
hopefully, under the thumb of the government, who probably
wanted a cut in some form). Once, if ever, the
state of Michoacán calmed down from these mafia vs mafia vs government vs vigilante
wars, and the Dr. could retrieve his personal possessions
from his house finally, many wonderfully beautiful photos
could be added to the present website, theoretically. But in 2014-15 it
felt like it might be years before it would become safe
enough. The
government strategy was exasperatingly stupid because
every time an underling ratted out a jefe, chaos
descended upon that particular cartel, and then also upon
the geographic region of Mexico in which that cartel was
operating. That
entire region of the wonderful country of
[8] The Monroe Doctrine stated that the USA would not allow European nations to interfere in the internal affairs of countries ANYWHERE IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE; and that the USA itself would interfere in a Latin American country only if that country were threatened by a European nation, because the USA would consider that to be a threat to its own peace and stability. It was really President Teddy Roosevelt’s ‘Corollary to the Monroe Doctrine’ which added to this the looser principle by which the USA in the 20th century began 'interfering' more and more in the internal affairs of Latin American countries, for more and more varied and selfish – and morally questionable – reasons, regardless of whether European nations were involved or not.
[9]
The Dr. explained to Sammy Martinez that his own
translation of the DEA official’s newly invented term
‘narcodemocracy’ would have been ‘a country whose
government was set up as a democracy, but whose economy
was based heavily on the illegal cultivation, manufacture
and exportation of illegal mafia drugs’. But only an expert
in interpreting Spanish language phrases in Colombia
could have said for certain whether Hernando’s
interpretation of the Spanish translation (narcodemocracia)
of the DEA agent’s invented word ‘narcodemocracy’ would
have been a standard or acceptable interpretation in Colombia.
If it had
been, then the DEA official should not have used the term,
or course. But,
more than likely, before using it he consulted no
Colombians as to its usefulness, accuracy, or even exact
meaning once translated as such. Later the Dr.
said he had discovered from reading another book that the
insulting English label ‘narcodemocracy’ had been invented
perhaps not by the DEA agent, but by John Kerry, a U.S.
senator who began using the term in mid-1994 to describe
Colombia. (See
In Focus:
[10] President Clinton
ordered troops into
[11] Such a ‘dark’ way
of looking at potential human ‘progress’, including the
conviction that outer
forces such as governments or human groups or material gains
could never bring about any kind of real and true
lasting INNER peace, had resulted from mj’s
exposure to his friend Joey’s spiritual guide, Guru Garland
of India, in the 70s and 80s. The Dr. presented the view in
some detail in his fourth book, starting in Chapter 3 of
Mrs. Nixon’s Legs.
His 1992-4 depression-induced psychosis had interfered for
two years with his ability to tap into this kind of
‘spiritual’ (‘inner’) resource, or any other; and so Sammy
would have been happy to read these words when the Dr.
eventually brought home the diary. It was one more proof
his friend mj was finally recovering from one of the worst
depressions of his life. (Joey’s
guru, Guru Garland, offered a way to combat the darkness of
the outer world with a combination of one’s own personal and
inner resources, including [but not limited to] feelings of
affection for the guru, and four kinds of meditation that
required careful instruction to practice properly.) For a broader picture of
such a guru, see: The
Living Master: quotes from Guru Maharaj Ji,
[12] Pilgrim’s Progress,
an allegory (of the life of a Christian in this morally
mucky world) written by an ardent English Calvinist-Baptist
Puritan, John Bunyan, was published in
[13] Much later, after years of reflection, it suddenly occurred to Dr. Lorenzo one day, as he explained to Sammy Martinez in 2014, that ‘the young fisherman’ had been using the word cazado, not casado. They sounded identical. In other words, if the bird had been ‘cazado’, it had been ‘hunted’ or ‘trapped’. If it had been ‘casado’, it had been married. And the Dr., as in so many other instances during this trip to Colombia, heard the wrong word and meaning, and took off with it into the wild blue yonder, forever thereafter (until 2014) deluded by his own deficient education as to what the heck was happening south of the border, a grave error for which he could blame no one but his own and his nation’s ho-hum attitude toward the vibrant and historically important, fascinating culture and language of Latino neighbors.
But: we are happy to report that, to
compensate for these sad and infamous deficiencies, in 2001
the Dr. moved to Mexico and lived with poor Mexicans in
rather backward areas and circumstances for 15 years or
more, off and on, constantly writing about his experiences
in email correspondence and in his widely disseminated (via
email) Chockawhoppin
Post; until a local drug cartel became so dangerous in
his small traditional village he thought it better to return
to the USA. But those
many years in
[14] It took about
another ten years for the paperwork to be processed, but
Robbie did become a
[15] caserío = a hamlet; a small village; or a country house and its outbuildings – the word does not mean ‘houses on a river’, as the Dr. wrongly guessed, even though in the countryside around Santisima Cruz most of the villages and hamlets were just that.