[ no photo here – mj in  (pot)  t-shirt is below ]

1.  The Legs pundits' point number one: The Remaking.

Mj lorenzo’s first book, The Remaking, as top-notch Legs interpreters carried on about it, forever rendering their ‘culture hero’ such astonishing devotion, was his greatest book without dispute. They felt that even if their favorite doctor of contemporary and eternal wisdom should manage to get out one more book as they spoke, no book of mj lorenzo’s, or any other writer’s, could EVER equal The Remaking in depth and breadth and philosophic worth and beauty, or in its ability to impact humanity and change the way the human race did things; an ability which already by the second decade of the twenty-first century had become measurably immense (as they all said, every one).

For as mj’s pundits agreed – every one of them virtually – the 'psychological philosophy' contained in The Remaking was ‘every bit as comprehensive, cohesive and coercive as Kant’s or Hegel’s’; ‘and more brilliant’ too, because more practical and earthy.

BUT:  unfortunately, though it had provided a lifetime of direction for hundreds of thousands of hitherto lost and desperate people, including the Legs pundits themselves, it ‘had not calmed its own author’s own super-creative mind for ANY MORE THAN FIVE SECONDS’, for some reason, as they liked to exaggerate irreverently. Dr. Lorenzo had gone right on writing and producing ‘more crazy shit’ after The Remaking therefore; as their four-point outline of mj lorenzo’s first four books insisted their audiences all around the globe comprehend.   

2.  The Legs pundits' point number two: Tales of Waring.

Mj’s second book, Tales of Waring, ‘THEREFORE’, as Legs pundits railed and raved, had been ‘a NIGHTMARE for everyone in the world to read, plain and simple’. It had been a nightmare for the author to write, as he had always said openly; and it had been SUCH a nightmare for his followers to accept, that his very own most ardent devotees (even including some Legs pundits at times) had abandoned him because of it, making it a nightmare in that respect as well. His worldwide following had splintered disastrously as soon as they had seen it.

And since mj lorenzo’s own self-confessed reason for being in the world was to save the human race from destroying itself, the Legs pundits felt forced to conclude, looking back from their wise retrospect, that by the end of the author’s second book, at least one ESSENTIAL ingredient was STILL missing from his sought-after formula for saving humanity; and that was: a very simple sub-formula by which he could calm his own crazy mind.

For, it was hardly possible, as Legs pundits said (and his most detracting critics agreed, of course), that mj lorenzo might save humanity from self-annihilation by providing it with a formula for doing so like the one in The Remaking: if he was not going to use the formula himself year in and year out to satisfy and calm his own crazy mind.

And so – as they thought should be equally apparent to everyone else – the great mj lorenzo, even still, after writing his second great book, Tales of Waring, was still in need of serious help. And that was, as they said:

a pickle

for the planet
to be in

when a mind was on the loose

as imaginative

and phantasmagoria-brewing

as mj lorenzo’s

3.  The Legs pundits' point number three: Grandfather’s Tomahawk.

Mj’s little known third book

Grandfather's Tomahawk

and other tales

from the last great Huron storyteller

and the last great Swedish-American

Big Band blonde bomb
madonna-orphan storyteller

‘though fascinating, colorful and educative in some ways’, had been an ‘even greater nightmare’ than his second book; for it had presented an interview with the Blackburns that had gone ‘much more out of control’ than the Tales of Waring interview. It ‘proved’ to anyone who read it, Legs pundits claimed, that mj lorenzo was ‘mentally out of control himself’ during most of the summer of 1974, and ‘did not know how to calm his own mind or anyone else’s’, despite the fact he was a psychiatrist; and a writer; BOTH; and had completed his famed world-changing Remaking trip only three years before; AND even claimed to be ‘saving humanity from physically destroying itself’(!).

4.  The Legs pundits' point number four: Exactly How Mrs. Nixon’s Legs Saved the White House Christmas Concert.

Mj’s fourth book, however, Exactly How Mrs. Nixon’s Legs Saved the White House Christmas Concert, revealed that finally the author had found a way for everybody including himself to calm down RIGHT NOW, as the Legs pundits harped forever. And so he was, as of the fall of 1974, finally now a little better qualified, they said, to promote a program for universal peace like his own much-touted ‘Remaking program for universal balance and peace’.

The Remaking, as they reminded, portrayed a method for decreasing dangerous hyperpolarization anywhere it might be found in the world, so as to balance human energies universally and achieve universal peace. It was a new way of living and thinking which took some time to learn, unfortunately, and required staying calm enough in the meantime so as to consider its principles thoughtfully and learn how to make them part of one’s life.

Maybe mj lorenzo’s OWN ‘remaking of himself’ could ‘resume apace’, they joked, now that mj had ‘learned from his Guru Garland how to quiet his own crazy mind enough to consider practicing his very own brilliant philosophy’.

And then: these outrageous Legs pundits, in speaking engagements around the world, after establishing the essential truthfulness (however outrageous) of these four points to the satisfaction of their audience, would proceed to recount ‘THE STORY OF HOW’ mj lorenzo learned to calm his own crazy mind. They would present THEIR FAMOUS VERSION of mj’s fourth book, Exactly How Mrs. Nixon’s Legs Saved the White House Christmas Concert. And that version of theirs became the standard version and understanding of the book and its story, the ‘General Unofficial Underground Legs Pundit’ or ‘GUULP’ Version.

The ‘gulp’ version of the Dr.’s best-seller was endorsed by the author, as he admitted much later (‘earthshakingly’, as Legs pundits said when he did so), during a 2002 hometown interview with one of southern Colorado’s principal dailies, The Pueblo Chieftain. The article, whose headline and photo had each won the paper a Pulitzer (a historic event which locals never stopped talking about) –

Locally Renowned and Beloved Psychiatrist

Dr. ‘mj’ Lorenzo